The daily question: “How are you doing?”
It occurs when we network, when we catch up with friends, when terrible horrible events happen and just in general when we wake up.
I ask my children this same question every morning and everyday after school. Most often, this question is that space filler- It just occurs, part of our script and just out of our mouths before we even know what we are asking or thinking.
I have always answered with a “I’m okay…” which is never convincing and perceived as an invitation to ask more. The thing is, I don’t like talking about the terrible things or the hard things, but when I’m asked… it spills.
I realized about a year ago that I was always stuck in doubt. It wasn’t full negative talk- because I know I am not shit and my life isn’t the worst, but it was always difficult for me to speak in a positive manner about whatever is happening… like I felt ashamed when things were good for fear that someone else’s world, which may not be so good, would be affected negatively by my goodness. Or the opposite, my life was so terrible at that time that I just word vomit all over it.
Fast forward a year, to now… I’m happy, which leads me to think highly of myself and I’m really good!
And then… globally, it’s terrible! So how I answer has been rehearsed. Because here is the thing:
I am happy. Things in my immediate world are really good- my business is building, I’m loving my clinical work, I am finished serving a term that caused acute trauma and my family is finding their happy places in activities and life. After many years of turmoil and uncertainty, we are settling and living.
But then… October 7 happened. So here we go again feeling terrible about how my immediate world is so great, but the weight on my shoulders of my people, my mishpocha outside of my immediate is heavy. (Jewish life and living will be a separate blog…)
So all of this to say, I, in my own little world, am very happy and very good, and I have learned to compartmentalize most of my world so that I can answer questions truthfully and with confidence. I don’t change my answer in different spaces… because the truth is, Meryl as a person, is really good and I’m happy about that!
